Tuesday, April 15, 2014

the dance revisited 4/15/2014

I ask what is reality to you.





now that factors which dictate my reality maybe different than yours , so when they say reality is what you make it. ok , I believe that. well as a 38 year old woman i never thought about reality. because I didn't know any better. reality to me was based upon  that what was on tv ( news , reality shows, live events) that what I was taught in school and that I lived at home with. therefore if you know I lived in la la land for many years , you might think my reality is distorted. 
however, I think a reality based on what other people tell you or do to you and working for spare time is distorted. I believe we as a human race have just learned to accept all that is bad. I say NO! If you teach someone the sky is yellow when it is really blue then they grow up believing the sky is yellow. that would be their reality .how would you teach someone that the color yellow was really blue? that a lie was actually the truth. I suppose it comes down to trust... 

whom do you trust when all you know let you down ? I only say this because of a serious of unfortunate events that occurred from 7/12 - 7/13 . Although it’s 10 years ago it’s still there , here in my life the reason to why I am not what I should, could, want to be or achieve. And each day my “ baby girl “ doesn’t call me or son yells at me i remember oh ya , vocational rehabilitation, bend and  Lancaster police , DHS , civil rights, humanitarian rights , any profit non profit organization you would call for assistance if needed or to report an allegation of abuse such as governor , the court house .  ( I was to scared to call the fbi ) 
Now please just tell me who is there to trust when you are an adult and being abused no it’s not domestic, no I’m not elderly no I’m not a child . I simply just feel that these people need to be reprimanded and or terminated from their position for reason and evidence I’d gladly give. I give up abuse won roll over people take it . It gets worse every day today it maybe me , tomorrow is it you, you being the next person who needed assistance or expected any of those personnel to be ethical, or follow their policies and procedures and perhaps that’s part of the issue, the policy and procedures. Do you think that if a person called the police station asking for tge state police number that they should be given the Ronald McDonald house number instead? Or be hung up on of course after I sent a formal complaint about the actions of the police during my encounter with them on aug 20, 2012 at @1409 . I asked my friends and family to please get the transcripts from the 911 call and the two follow up calls with the supervisor around 2300 pm I made when I was in a public place and suddenly felt weak and as if I was going to pass out. As I lay on my phone for 20 mins alone scarred not knowing what was wrong with me and my life line the ent operator was ignoring me . I thought that was their job ? When the police did arrive I am pretty confident that they surrounded me in swat team if the officers had weapons aimed at me I would not be surprised. But why did he scream my name at the back of my head ? Not it’s ok help has arrived? It maybe was due to the beginning part of the call , she said she needed to ask me questions, 1. Do I have a mental health disorder? I said yes depression but for the first time I fell pain not associated with sadness therefore I know it’s not my mental health. 2. Was i bleeding? I said no . 3. Was anyone shooting at me . Again I said no . Well about 15 mins after laying there unable to move scared and crying she wasn’t responding so I said if I told you that I was bleeding would they be here any sooner? Fine I’m bleeding. If I told you they were shooting would they be here any sooner fine they are shooting. But still swat team ? The police station was less than two miles from me you really mean that in a Monday at 1340 that they were so busy that it took them that long to arrive or that long to terrorize a woman who simply needed to have lab work at the hospital. Not that when the emt arrived after the police and then finally arriving at bend memorial hospital ( Karen , still wondering if that rn works there ) all of these organizations asked me the same questions, there’s a major problem with communication. And as a practical nurse I had clinicals with an emt crew I got the basics of how they operate. Not in bend! They straight up kneel down ti your face and say there’s nothing wrong with you I’m not taking you anywhere. He finally did and the rn is next. Again as practical nurse I know that if a patient is nothing by mouth for numerous reasons they are permitted ice chips. Well this nurse tried to give me a mouth swab , ya know what you’d use on person in a coma. Or an elderly person with dysphasia. I also had issues with vocational rehabilitation and dhs youd almost think it was a conspiracy. But I know better. It was just a perfect storm of neglect, willful infliction of pain , emotional abuse, wrongful restraint, involuntary seclusion. According to what the state of Oregon s revisited statutes on abuse stated. Not to mention gross negligence of authority, and terroristic conduct . When the police department treats you in that manner it definitely warrants such has words.

That’s the “ what happened to me “ in bend . Which didn’t stop there but I’m emotionally drained and I need a break from this reminder of what made me the half a woman I am today .

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